Downfall.

Is it OK to feel this upset? Well, you’re never happy with whatever I do, and I’m tired of it. I really am. I just want… someone who cares about me enough to ask me how I feel when I get home, pat me on my back when I’ve done well for my studies, and basically give me food when I feel hungry. Is that too much to ask for? Or you’ve always thought those are demands rather than essentials? I’m beginning to doubt my reasons for existence, and I’m pretty sure that’s not a very good thing. If it all comes down to this, then well, the love isn’t very deep after all, is it? I don’t know what to do to make it OK, because it obviously can’t be mended, because a heart is a fragile thing, where you can’t just treat it lightly according to your mood. It will not make it OK, it will never be the same again, ever. I feel sick to the stomach, am I even wanted here? God, give me some strength, I’m really tired, of life.

This video doesn’t exactly show my feelings now, but it’s so sad I keep crying when I watch it. I guess I’m depressed or something. I just want someone to lean on so badly, and there’s no one. I fear, that this may be the start to my downfall, after all, was there ever a peak? Or was I just halfway through, never ever getting to the tip? Perhaps, perhaps, I was wrong, but have you ever thought that you could be the one at fault too? Why am I always the one to blame? I’m seriously sluggish, I have no energy to face all these with a smile, despite my laughter. No one understands, or will ever, because I refuse to tell anyone. So is it my fault then, that I have no more strength to walk down this torturous journey called life? Is it myself then, causing my own doom? Well, perhaps there really is two sides to me: a stronger side, and one that crumbles so badly it is often impossible to pick up again.

这次我真的要,离开了.
我决定这样,放手.

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